lefemmegentleman: L (Death Note) (pic#173)
( Jun. 24th, 2015 12:11 pm)
Hi, everyone! So this is my first post in the community and I'm excited about where to go from here.

For the last 28 years of my life, I've felt pretty comfortable being born a guy and identifying as male. I never did like calling myself "a man" or doing any macho displays. I've never worn my hair long and have usually had facial hair with an unshaven chest and legs to match.

However, in the past week or so, I've begun to wonder if I'm more than one gender or not, or if there's a female side to me that's been kept dormant all these years.

I've always been sympathetic to women, as well as sexually and romantically attracted to them. Seeing a guy and a girl in love is nice, but I've always been fascinated with seeing the love between two women. Not just as a turn-on, but with a feeling that I could be one of those partners myself. Something about the gentle and genuine bond between two women in a relationship has always appealed to me, especially since I'm not that openly affectionate or emotional in public (but I'd like to be, at least).'

Last week, I was reading up on several articles about transgender issues and the different varieties of gender expressions. On one particular night, I was lying in bed, imagining myself as a young woman. I saw myself with a pixie cut, a lithe female body, wearing light makeup and a summer dress, speaking with a soft voice. I imagined my female self being embraced and kissed by my ideal woman. And it felt so beautiful.

The strange thing was, when I woke up the next morning, I felt happy and energetic. When I went to the bathroom to take a shower, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at my natural male body, but in my eyes, I saw my female self looking back, thinking to myself in her voice rather than my male baritone.

And everything felt good.

My confusion right now is that I like my male body, wearing men's clothing (especially if it's a suit), and using male pronouns, but my brain and my heart are female. I feel good when I think with a woman's voice in my head and I feel more at home in my male body with a female persona at the helm. But I've no idea why. If I were LGBTQ, I'd be "Q" for Questioning right now.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. If you have a suggestion or a question, please leave me a comment!


lefemmegentleman: L (Death Note) (Default)


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